On Wandering in the New Year

Along the Elbe, December 2011

“The important thing in life is being open to the mystery.”—Paulo Coelho

Again, a familiar place: journeying out into the unknown. As 2012 rolls in, I am completely unsure, completely not seeing clearly where I will be this year. Still making decisions.

Physically, I have left my job and apartment in my former home town. I have left friends, colleagues, my comfort zone that was built up over two years. I have left my son’s nanny and have taken on the fulltime job of mom, 24-7. Since I have no one at home to leave him with, I take him with me wherever I go, even to my dentist trip last week.

Emotionally, I have left the security of knowing. I have left the state of mind that tells me, I am in control. I have left the familiar feelings, the warmth of stability.

Why am I doing all this? I ask myself. Because I need to start all over again. Fear comes in little phases, yes…but it thrusts me forward. Fear of the unknown and all that is out there scares me. But I have learned that scary is good sometimes. Sometimes, I need to not know, not be so sure of myself, be thrown out of that comfortable spot, my little world, and go travel.  Go journey, or just wander. Get a new perspective. Without even solving the mystery.

So I did that last month just before Christmas, not knowing if I would ever come home. But our home has always been where we made it work. We’ve been at home in Germany, in pristine Lake Garda Italy, in smoggy, yet vibrant Manila.

We’ve been wandering a bit, nomads all our lives. And we will continue to walk forward this year, wherever the wind blows, wherever our hearts find a place to take root, until it’s time to uproot again, to create anew, or to start over.

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2 thoughts on “On Wandering in the New Year

  1. You sound very brave and very adventurous. I just moved to Lebanon, but I did it with my boyfriend, so I already had something familiar. I admire what you’re doing very much. Good luck and enjoy it!

  2. Hi, how is life in Lebanon? I will be together with my husband and son, so some sense of comfort there, but there where’s and the how’s still unknown, and that is the challenging part. 🙂 Just enjoying the present moment and living that moment intensely. Good luck too with your new home!

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